The Cost of Being A People Pleaser

Are you someone who find it hard to say “No” under s lot of circumstances?

Do you say “Yes” to almost everything in order to make others happy?

Do you feel embarrassed and stressed over any trivial disharmony in relationships even if it is not your fault?

If you feel inclined to answer all of the questions above with a “Yes”, you might have the tendency to lean in to the people pleasers’ side.

For People Pleaser Archetypes, there were usually someone in their originated families who often fly off the handles to emotionally extort and manipulate other family members. As children, People Pleaser Archetypes often feel like walking on egg shells at home as they think that they are the ones who trigger this ordering person’s unstable emotional state.

In order to maintain a harmonious atmosphere in the family, they had to do whatever serve this family member’s will. If they did anything against it, it would trigger the hysterical side of this person. Therefore, when they detect any trivial disharmony in a relationship, they feel frightened as it sets off the alarm in their brain that “If any disharmony turns up, I will be emotionally extorted, excluded and abandoned.” They think that they can only make compromises on their own wills to maintain a harmonious relationship.

Even if we feel that we had no choice at an early stage of our lives, thus rationalise all the traumas, the experience would still unconsciously impact how we see relationships, reprogram our mindset to a negative thinking mode such as “All relationships are toxic.” It would also disempower us, suppress our vitality, weaken our physical body, and impact our future paths in a damaging way that we can not even start to imagine.

Having said all that, is there something we could do about it?

For starters, realise it is not the end of world to say “no” or let people down. If you could not build a healthy and firm boundary, you would still constantly be drawn to the negative patterns of being controlled and manipulated till you realise the necessity to end the vicious pattern.

Then, know it is natural to experience disharmony in a relationship. It is not your fault. Speaking up for yourself about what you truly think and communicating on how you truly feel can be essential.

If you need support during the transformation process, please reach out to work with me, to get back onto a path to evolve into the empowered version of you, activate your voice of Sacred Woman, retrieve your dignity and worthiness.